Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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