I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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