Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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