Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
