my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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