So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
