he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
