I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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