we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
