what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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