Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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