ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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