i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize