Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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