we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
