oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
