Can i not drive my cunt home
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
