your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
