My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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