Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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