did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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