I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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