i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
