no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
