You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
