my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Randomize
