so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
someone owes me an orgasm
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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