I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
