the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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