wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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