I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
