It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
