You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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