I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
