I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
