She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
