Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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