she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
