Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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