i love accidental penises.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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