Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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