Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
