office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
