Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my sisters under your porch take her home
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
