i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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