I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
