So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
