This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
