I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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