I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
