Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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