I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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