My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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