i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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