: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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