shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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