What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
