Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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