then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
