Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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